The popular book series 50 Shades of Grey took the subject of what modern women really want and twisted it into a hot kinky pretzel. From soccer moms to CEO’s women were openly reading and enthusiastically chatting about the BDSM love story of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. Hard-core feminists were outraged and men were cheering. The male fantasy of not only being able to openly admit to sexual depravities, but women secretly craving kinky fuckery was a dream come true. As usual, however, men totally missed the mark. They only saw what they wanted to see about Christian Grey and his talent to whip women into a sexual frenzy. Here are the 13 shades of Grey that caused women to willingly open up to his shadier side:
1. It’s All in the Details
Christian paid attention to the things that were important to Ana. He took note of the tea she ordered on their first date then stocked his kitchen with Twinings. After discovering she was studying English Literature in college, he sent her first edition copies of Tess of the D’Urbervilles as a graduation gift. She mentioned she was very close to her ex-stepfather, and he went out of his way to bond with the man. When she talked, he didn’t hear Charlie Brown’s teacher talking the way most men seem to do. He paid attention, and then he took action to show her he was listening.
If men would do this, they would greatly improve their sex/love lives. Get women to talk about themselves, and then listen. Don’t just hear the words coming out their mouths, but truly listen. Women will tell you exactly what they want and what you need to do to get what you want. All you have to do is pay attention. If a woman says that she loves Dancing with the Stars (or Strictly Come Dancing for the Brits), and then a man takes her to a ballroom dance class, she will bend over backwards, sideways and upside down to make him happy.
Not only did Christian listen to Ana and what she wanted, he was very clear about what he wanted. Granted, he brought out a legal document that had very strict guidelines, but he didn’t try to scam or trick her into doing anything. She knew exactly what she was getting into and made the choice to go further. He laid out his expectations and invited her to negotiate her own terms. They discussed everything fully before having sex. He not only gained her trust, but ensured her consent before laying one finger on her. If men can’t open up enough to talk about sex, women are not going to be able to open up when it comes to sex. That’s the bottom line.
3. Rich and Powerful
Sorry guys but women, in general, are drawn to wealthy, powerful men. Before screaming “Gold-digger!” it’s not about the money (or completely about the money). Look at the one male Kardashian. Although Rob is a very good-looking guy with lots of money, he’s just sort of there. His two younger teenage sisters are more ambitious than he is, and this makes him less attractive. When a man is successful he has this sexual, confident magnetism about him. According to Napoleon Hill author of Think and Grow Rich, “The men of greatest achievement are men with highly developed sex natures”. It is simple biology that makes women more attracted to men who are more successful. This doesn’t mean that men must be millionaires to attract women. It means that men who have a success-driven mentality are more attractive, but being a millionaire probably wouldn’t hurt either.
Christian never held back in the romance department. Women need to feel sexy. With Christian throwing around compliments like, “You beguile me,” when speaking of Ana’s beauty, it’s no wonder that women across the world were metaphorically tossing their panties to him. A man saying, “Damn girl! You are fine!” is not quite the same as being completely distracted by her magnificence when she walks into the room. Women want to feel like they take a man’s breath away. If a man thinks a woman is gorgeous and sexy, he needs to tell her often.
Christian not only runs a billion dollar empire, he flies his own helicopter, runs a charity, manages a household staff, and knows how to surround himself with an expert team. Women fall head over heels for a man who is competent and capable. When a woman sees that a man can take care of business in other areas of his life, she trusts him to take care of business in the bedroom as well.
Ana was never lacking when it came to Christian’s attention. When they were together he gave her his full undivided attention. Outside of the bedroom he treated her like a lady should be treated. He opened doors for her, held out her chair, and helped her with her coat. This isn’t anti-feminist. It’s just good manners. When they were apart they kept an on-going email conversation. He provided her with a laptop and Blackberry so they could maintain an open line of communication. Their online banter served as never-ending foreplay.
Most men would consider this to be an electronic leash, but then complain when women lose interest in sex. Women require mental stimulation as well as physical stimulation. If a man can provide a few brain-gasms throughout the day, he will come home to a very excited woman who is ready to start undressing him as soon as he walks inside the door.
Christian took very good care of Ana. He protected her and kept her safe, as well as giving her nice things. He swooped in and saved her from a drunken date rape-y guy and also a sexually harassing boss. He helped her sell her old car and gave her a safe car to drive. When she was threatened, he gave her a bodyguard.
Women today are more powerful in the workforce than ever before. Not only are women competing with men for higher ranking positions, but they do it in high heels and with much more style. To know a man can take care of her emotionally, financially, and sexually doesn’t take away from a woman’s independence. It makes her feel safe and secure. When a man takes care of a woman’s needs, she will happily take care of his.
8. He’s Flawed
Part of what makes Christian Grey so perfect is his imperfections. He wasn’t born into his wealthy family; he was adopted and came from a very screwed-up childhood. This dark broken side of him makes him extremely appealing to women who are always searching for a good fixer upper. He wasn’t ashamed to tell Ana about seeing a therapist on a permanent basis. By showing his vulnerabilities, it made it safer for her to be vulnerable to him. It also gave her something to fix. We all know how much women love to “fix” and change men.
Once Ana met Christian she never had a dull moment. He whisked her away in his helicopter, introduced her to a new world, and helped her explore her sexuality. Men don’t have to be billionaires to keep a woman on her toes and keep her guessing.
Ana had to trust Christian completely to give him full power over her. Having a “vanilla sex” relationship requires trust, but a full-on Sub/Dom relationship is a completely different ballgame, or Ben-Wa ballgame, as it were. Men cannot expect women to be sexually adventurous if there is a lack of trust. Ana didn’t have to worry about Christian posting pictures on the web or telling other people about their sexual escapades. Although having a non-disclosure agreement isn’t necessary in the real world, having a discussion with an understanding of what both people feel comfortable being made public is of great importance.
Although Christian is a very successful entrepreneur, he also put a great deal of thought into his relationship with Ana. He made plans for their time together, involved her in his therapy sessions, and made changes when things weren’t working. He maintained an active involvement in the success of their relationship instead of being satisfied with the status quo. Women know that men will do what is important to them. When men ignore their relationship, it is clear that it is not a priority.
Christian’s love for Ana was undeniable. Their relationship may have begun on a purely sexual level, but evolved into a profound love for one another. Instead of allowing his past issues to limit him, he worked through them and loved Ana with all of his heart and soul.
Women need to know they’re loved. When men try to pull off the “You know I love you,” bullshit, women know it’s just that… bullshit. If a man loves a woman, he should hold nothing back, and love her with everything he has. If he doesn’t, then he needs to have the balls to be honest about it.
13. Sexual Knowledge
Christian Grey is a sexual master. He doesn’t just go for what will be pleasurable for him. He knows how to pleasure a woman in ways she didn’t know was possible. Women are much more open to sexual exploration when a man knows what he is doing. Too many men are lazy when it comes to sex. Take the time to study your craft. Google it, Bing it, Yahoo it, just do it. Know how the female body works and responds to different stimuli. If a man hasn’t heard the words, “Oh my God! How did you do that?” elatedly panted from a woman’s lips, then he needs to do some serious work.
Women are sexual beings who desire carnal experiences. They just need the right person to push the right buttons to get them there. The popularity of 50 Shades of Grey is not due to the interest of women suddenly wanting to be tied up, spanked and forced to submit to her man’s will (although that would be a fun night). Christian Grey is a fantasy, who brings the whole package. If men took the time to read the book and look past the naughty sexy bits, they would have the ultimate manual for what women truly want. Unfortunately, we all know how well men read manuals. They throw them to the side and decide they can figure things out on their own. This is all well and good, as long as men want to continue to have vanilla sex, and for women to continue to look to fictional characters and vibrators for real satisfaction.