Update: June 17, 2013 – Miss Utah has been added to the bottom of this list.
Hey, anyone can have an off day and say something dumb. But when you have an off day on national television, people write articles making fun of you and post videos of your inglorious moment. These poor beauty queens sure look awesome in a swimsuit, but they might need to work on that “poise under pressure” thing just a bit more. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are some of the dumbest comments ever made by beauty pageant contestants.
1. Miss California and her euthanasia faux-pas:
When questioned about her beliefs on euthanasia (assisted suicide) Miss California responds that she still hasn’t fully formed an opinion, but she does know that “it’s a vaccine, correct”?
Why yes, Miss California, euthanasia is a vaccine – a vaccine against life. It’s effective in 100 percent of people, too.
Let’s hope Miss Cali is never put in charge of a grandparent in the nursing home. “Miss California, we should talk about euthanasia for your Grandpa”.
“Okay, yeah, I’ve heard that’s necessary these days. Go ahead and do it”. Facepalm!
2. Miss South Carolina understands how tough life can be when you don’t have a map:
The question is actually about the alarming lack of geography skills among the general American population. Miss South Carolina is asked why one-fifth of Americans can’t locate the United States of America on a world map. Naturally, Miss SC responds that the cause of this problem is, “some people out there in our nation don’t have maps”.
This would have been a great time to launch into her platform, which we would presume includes giving free maps to underprivileged schoolchildren, but instead this lovely blonde beauty rambles off into intellectual Neverland and waxes poetic about helping South Africa and Iraq. She gets bonus points for knowing the names of two other countries, though.
3. Miss Panama demonstrates Confusion
When Miss Panama is asked about the ancient philosopher Confucius, she comes up with this rambling gem of an answer: He invented Confusion. She also reminds us that he is, indeed, ancient. One of the most ancient, in fact! There is also significant ambiguity over whether Confucius was Chinese or Japanese, or perhaps Miss Panama was just aptly demonstrating the philosophy of Confusion.
4. Miss Hawaii demonstrates the love she feels for her beautiful country of Hawaii:
What is it with these chicks and geography, anyway? It’s almost as if they all skipped 3’rd period Map Class in high school to hang out in the ladies’ room and tease their hair. This lovely lady definitely loves her country, though. “From the beautiful sandy beaches of Hawaii, to the rocky shores of Hawaii”, she loves it all. The United States of America is truly the greatest country in the world. All eight islands of it.
5. Miss Alabama hopeful emphasizes her beliefs:
On her first question, this contestant appears fairly poised as she answers a question about preventing child abuse. Of course, that one is pretty much a slam dunk for anyone, because we all can agree that child abuse is really, really bad.
It’s on her second question about current events that this pretty lady completely falls apart. She’s obviously stumped and has no idea what the interviewer is even talking about, so she reverts back to Rule Number Two in the pageant contestant handbook: Talk about your beliefs in a positive and non-political way. Unfortunately, every time she states, “I believe” she follows up with rambling, incoherent nonsense. Oopsie. But don’t judge too harshly; the newspaper is so full of words. She probably does reads parts of it, like Garfield and the horoscopes.
6. Miss Phillipines hopeful can’t say one nice thing about her family:
This one should have been a no-brainer. Rather than complicated geography or philosophy questions, she is simply asked to explain how her family has helped guide her toward this all-important life goal of Pageantry. Unfortunately, her parents must have kept her locked in a closet and administered daily beatings, because she can’t even muster up anything about hope, encouragement, or instilling self confidence. This would have been a great time to mention World Peace, but alas, nothing.
7. Miss California doesn’t know her audience:
When asked about her views on same-sex marriage, Miss California starts off fairly strong by saying we live in a country in which we can all choose between two types of marriage: Same-sex or opposite marriage. What, what? What is opposite marriage? And how can we all choose something that is only legal in four states?
Sadly, however, that wasn’t the worst part of her answer. Somewhere in the Guide to Pageant Interview Questions, it definitely states that you should never insert an overly politicized opinion into your response. This is especially true if an openly gay man asks you whether you believe his legal rights should be restricted. Knowing your audience is key. We hear Perez gave her a score of negative 14 on that one.
8. Miss Minnesota uses Affirmative Action in all aspects of her career:
At 2:40 in this video, you can see Miss Minnesota demonstrate her knowledge of Affirmative Action. She states that affirmative action is important in her career, and that she uses it every day. What on Earth is her career, anyway? It must be a field absolutely dominated by women, like human egg harvesting.
9. Miss Somewhere shows us why women will never rule the world:
This young lady is asked how the world would be different if women were in charge by the year 2020. First she re-reads the question from the host’s cue card. Then she asserts that most of our past presidents and vice presidents are boys, which may not be completely inaccurate if we are comparing them to men who actually go to work and solve problems every day. But that’s probably not what she meant.
10. Miss Utah impresses with a well thought out answer:
Miss Utah gets asked why women continue to earn less money than men and what it says about society. She spews a bunch of incoherent nonsense and makes women look really bad in this one.