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20 Tips for Younger Women Dating Older Men

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Are you tired of dating immature men who are only interested in sex, have no clue how to treat a lady or spend too much time hanging with their boys? If so, perhaps it’s time for you to date an older man. Even if it’s only for a short time, the experience you will gain will be priceless. Once you know what it’s like to be in a mature relationship, you may decide to never date men your age again. At the very least, you will be better prepared to choose more wisely when it comes to selecting Mr. Right. Before heading off to the nearest golf course, upscale bar or online dating site, read these tips on how find the right silver fox for you:

1. Make sure he’s a good fit.

Instead of making sure you’re a good fit for him, make sure he’s a good fit for you. You may feel you have to fit into his world since he’s older, wiser and set in his ways. By doing this, you’ll be doing yourself a disservice. If you’re not compatible, accept it and move on. You’re too young to settle for someone who isn’t right for you.

2. Don’t be a trophy.

Some men chase younger women as a way of making themselves feel younger or to stroke their own ego by bagging a young hottie.  Don’t assume that older men are different than younger men when comes to using women as sex objects. Protect your heart and self-worth by not jumping into sex or accepting expensive gifts too quickly. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you are living in a condo, driving a car and using a credit card that are all in his name, and he’s only coming by for sex. The realization that you have essentially become a prostitute won’t sit well with you.

3. Don’t assume he’s going to use you.

Although some older men treat younger women as trophies, not all of them do. Just as you’d do with a younger man, choose wisely. Pay attention to the way he’s treating you and the language he uses. This will tell you a great deal about his intentions.

4. Know your worth.

You have more to offer than a hot body. Just because a man is older and has more experience doesn’t mean he knows everything. You have life experiences and knowledge of your own that has value. Don’t be afraid to express your opinions or offer your advice.

5. Call him on his bullshit.

Although the BS of an older man may be different than the BS of a younger man – it’s still BS. Plus, he’s a man who knows more about the inner workings of women. He can use this knowledge to be a better man for you and he can use it for his own selfish reasons. He’s only human. When your bullshit-ometer goes off, listen to it and call him on it. Some men like to date younger women because they can be easier to manipulate, but most men will respect a woman who is confident enough to stand up for herself and not put up with his BS.

6. Make sure he’s not the jealous type.

For the most part older men are not going to be as insecure as younger men. They understand that you have a life of your own to live, just as he does. However, if he is prone to jealousy or possessiveness, this will be a problem (as it would be in any relationship). You’re going to have different energy levels. It’s a biological fact. Therefore, there are going to be times when you want to go out with your friends and he wants to be at home. If he is unable to accept this, move on to a more confident man.

7. Don’t assume he’s settled.

Just because he’s older doesn’t mean he has settled down. Some men live a George Clooney type of life, and plan to die a bachelor. If a long line of hot women couldn’t get ‘ol Georgie boy to settle down, it’s highly unlikely you’ll be able to get a Clooney-wanna-be to turn into the marrying type either. Some men are only good for fun. If that’s what you are looking for, then go for it and have a blast. If not, don’t go beyond a couple of dates and do not get attached. You’ll only set yourself up for heartache.

8. Don’t try to be his kids’ mom.

They already have a mom. You aren’t playing house. These are real people’s lives. Think of how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. You wouldn’t want some other (younger) woman trying to take your place in your children’s lives.

9. Make sure you’re on the same page.

Know his stance on commitment and children. He may be ready to settle down and start a family, while you are just getting started as an adult and have no interest in settling down. Or, he may be at the stage in his life where he has already been married, has kids and has no interest in ever getting married again. Get everything out on the table earlier than you normally would.

10. Don’t make jokes about his age.

Men are just as sensitive about this subject as women. You don’t want him joking that your butt looks fat in your jeans. So, don’t joke around about his first gray hair.

11. Be ready for his baggage.

One thing that comes with adding more years to your life is baggage. Everyone has it, but some people have more than others. Know what you are getting yourself into before you get in too deep.

12. Be respectful to his ex.

She is not your enemy or your competition. He’s been there, done that and so has she. If she is an on-going part of his life, you need to be on friendly terms with her. Not only will she be less likely to make your lives less of a living hell, but she’s the best resource for learning who this man is. She has known him for a long time. Plus, if he was ever abusive or unkind to her, you need to know. Of course some women are bitter and may not be the best judge of your new man’s character. But, if he has a psycho ex, do you want to bring that into your life?

13. Don’t assume he’s wealthy or successful.

If you are drawn to older men for the security they bring, don’t judge him by his expensive suits, watch and nice car. He may have had a wealthy ex-wife or he may be paying a huge chunk of his salary to his ex-wife and kids. Either way, this doesn’t provide any security for you.

14. Don’t piss off his friends’ wives.

For the love of all that’s holy, do not call them ma’am, do not flirt with their husbands and don’t dress too sexy, especially in the beginning. He wants to know how you will fit into his world. That includes his friends and their wives.

15. Don’t sacrifice your own goals.

If he has the ability and desire to travel the world with a hot, young woman on his arm, that’s great for both of you as long as it doesn’t prevent you from accomplishing your own goals. If you haven’t finished college or are on a successful career track, you can’t afford to jet across the globe only to face the end of the relationship and find yourself in the same financial state you were in when you graduated high school. You can either look at it as a fun experience and enjoy yourself, or let him know what you are sacrificing and hope he willing to work around your schedule.

16. Don’t let him be Daddy.

Don’t even call him Daddy. It’s just creepy. It’s perfectly fine to allow him to take care of you to a point, but when he starts sounding like your father; it’s time to get out… fast.

17. Don’t let your friends make jokes about him.

Your friends will have fun joking around about “the old guy” or dating “Mr. Smith”, but do your best to nip this behavior in the bud. If you joke around behind his back, they will think you don’t care if they do it to his face. It’s disrespectful and it won’t help your relationship. Even if you have no desire to have anything but a fling with this man, it’s still not cool. Think of how you feel when guys your age act differently in front of their friends, or you hear their friends say things about you that are disrespectful. Don’t be a jerk.

18. Keep an open line of communication.

If you get into a long-term relationship with an older man, you will need to keep an open line of communication. The two of you are in different stages of life. He is already matured and pretty much settled. However, you are rapidly growing and changing. You’re coming into your own and finding your place in the world. Your goals at the beginning of the relationship may change. Some of the changes will be, in part, due to the knowledge and experience he has shared with you. It’s extremely important to communicate your needs, desires and goals every step of the way, especially if they affect him and your relationship.

19. Have fun learning from each other.

With a larger age gap comes completely different life experiences. Enjoy teaching each other about new, interesting things.

20. Know when to say goodbye.

If you know in the beginning that the two of you aren’t going to be a long-term fit but decide to date anyway, know when it’s time to say goodbye. You don’t want to stay in a relationship that isn’t going in the direction you want for yourself too long. If you want kids and he doesn’t, you don’t want to wait until you’re close to menopause to find someone new.

Saying that age doesn’t matter when you’re dating is ludicrous. Of course it matters or it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Dating an older man can be a wonderful experience if treated with dignity and mutual respect. There’s no reason a relationship between a younger woman and an older man can’t work out as long both people are happy and enjoy each other’s company.

If you’re a woman who prefers to date younger men then check out 12 Tips for Older Women Dating Younger Men.

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About Sheri Hosale

Sheri Hosale is a writer, former ballroom dancer and opinionated redhead. She likes British humor, Alabama football and picking through people’s brains like a knowledge-hungry zombie.

2 comments

  1. I love this article. I think you pointed the good and bad in there. In other articles I think we’re rather inaccurate but yours had good and bad

  2. 1. Make sure he’s a good fit.

    Good advice. It makes sense that you both should try to “find the fit”. See that bold try there, lady? Its something you both have to do. Try. If the guy is much older, it will be harder for him, since more of life’s little shortcomings have come his way. The advice was “don’t try too hard”, but I disagree: if there is a relationship to be had, it is worth putting your heart into. At least, until it becomes evident that the other person isn’t committed to having an equitable relationship with good and balanced communication.

    2. Don’t be a trophy.

    Protect your heart and self-worth by not jumping into sex or accepting expensive gifts too quickly … well, that’s not bad advice on any level. Most guys are motivated by sex if they’re not having it regularly. (It is a biological, biochemical physical addiction!) so frisky behavior on his part is fairly normal, especially if he digs you. But by the same token know that if you are acting out some sort of ‘ice princess’ fantasy, he’ll pretty quickly drop you. And, whether the point here is ‘don’t be a trophy’ or not, the one thing a woman has going for her, if she tries … is looking sexy, interesting and delicious. Is that a ‘trophy’? I don’t think so: it is being a whole woman, and self-assured to boot.

    3. Don’t assume he’s going to use you.

    Good advice. Many women believe that men have only one thing in mind. Rotary-bed-doors. Not true… in most of my life’s dealings with guys, they just want one thing (after the initial bout of unlimited bunny sex)… a good relationship, with balanced goals, with give-and-take that both sides try to work to make happen. Guys like women who are complimentary, rather than supplimentary. (Complimentary = has talents in areas where the other person is lacking) (Supplimentary = good sex, does laundry, good cook, dresses well for parties, manages finances, etc.) Know the difference.

    4. Know your worth.

    No, not just “know” it, but make it abundantly clear that you are equal in worth to the guy. And accept the fact that he too will make it known that his worth can rise to equal yours. This is what equality is about. BALANCE.

    5. Call him on his bullshit.

    Actually, though initially I was going to disagree, I’m not. Bullshit is bullshit: if it said or done in a social setting, decide how egregious it is. If really bad, make a stand then and there. Forget protocol. If it a minor male bullshit occurance, let it go temporarily, but address it in private. BEWARE though… there are some forms of male-to-male strutting that will LOOK like bullshit to women, but which are actually acceptable codified forms of social-ordering at play. This is no different than the female pecking that you know goes on all the time in cliques. Some of it is “normal” and OK.

    6. Make sure he’s not the jealous type.

    I’m not sure if this is good advice. Mildly jealous guys have a positive trait: they’ll work hard to keep you. Now maybe that’s not what you want… but why? Isn’t the idea that you’re wanting a committed relationship? If it is not, then yah, don’t get a jealous BF. But if you want the committment, then don’t worry about mild jealously. JUST LEARN to channel it to better communication, and higher realms of equality in your relationship. He might be as pliable as a log, but even a log will roll down hill if you push it often enough.

    7. Don’t assume he’s settled.

    True. You’ll perhaps have to flex. Or perhaps just the opposite: he’ll have to settle down, to “make it work”. See all that I’ve posted on BALANCE in communication… it’ll work itself out.

    8. Don’t try to be his kids’ mom.

    Unless… they’re living with him, and he has privately confided that he’ll support you as the “momming” works out its boundaries. Its a learning process, if you adopt it. And it may never feel right … but there does come a point where it works. Just remember, “remote-control momming” is a value-system delivery device. YOUR values, complimentary with your BF/husband’s values. And taking a long-arm-at-a-distance approach. Try not to let your innate talent for micromanagement take over. It will NOT be appreciated.

    9. Make sure you’re on the same page.10. Don’t make jokes about his age.11. Be ready for his baggage.12. Be respectful to his ex.

    Totally.

    13. Don’t assume he’s wealthy or successful.

    Fairly good advice. Many men come to a place in their lives where the’ve peaked, and where there is a long train of dependents behind their financial train. Ex-wives. Children in college. Bankruptcies. Ageing parents. Their own medical bills, or education loan payments. Boats, toys, extra homes, etc. Victims of the 2007 melt-down.

    Oh, they can Look Good, with nice watches, recent-model cars, cute work-loft homes, and so on… but these are superficial and usually don’t really mean they’re also independently wealthy. Just accept the fact that older guys are typically single either because a whole house-of-cards came tumbling down, or because life’s family things got really expensive without income rising to match.

    14. Don’t piss off his friends’ wives.

    I disagree with some of the points the author made: it is totally OK to dress as sexy as you like. If this pisses off some wife-of-a-friend-of-the-BF, who gives a damn. They’re insecure. This doesn’t mean you need to be. If you look great, feel great, and can dress up in a way that makes everyone notice … go for it. Someday you’ll be 85 years old too, sweetie. Enjoy it while you can.

    ALSO: remember that if your new relationship is going somewhere (like marriage, OK?) then there will come a time when both of you will have to trim down your personal friends of the past. It is totally realistic to accept that some of his friends will just not make you happy (aggressive, boorish males, petty, scheming females, boring blokes, etc.), and that some of your friends will also irritate him for the same reasons. Don’t go jumping to conclusions early in the relationship. But as you get closer to the Big Committment, do try to work out like rational human beings, which of your independent friends will need to be shifted out of the “inner circle”.

    15. Don’t sacrifice your own goals.

    This in principle is good advice, but if taken too strongly, will backfire. Using tai-kwan-do as the example, you must be flexible like a willow tree or reed, yet stay planted in the earth where you’re happiest. He too will need to do the same – it must be equal, or it will fail. Your goals can be merged with his, with give-and-take. All things can be worked out with good communication, and a fundamental agreement between you to work toward an equal and balanced relationship. You’ll find him completely ready to embrace equality, if you foster the goal.

    16. Don’t let him be Daddy.

    True. He cannot be, and should not be.

    17. Don’t let your friends make jokes about him.

    True. You don’t have to get defensive, but you should be willing to say, “You know Martha … that’s just crass. I thought you could rise above our high-school triteness”. Yep… you risk losing friends this way … but if they’re making fun of your BF, remember: they are not friends. Just close acquaintances. And they can be left by the side of YOUR highway to heaven.

    18. Keep an open line of communication.

    TOTALLY. I can not agree more. Everything you to do encourage him to meet you on an equal basis will build the relationship. Everything he does to match you in attaining this will satsify both of you that things are magically working out. A relationship with communications equality, with personal-goals equality and with comfortable-independence work out best. They’re mature. And secure. Think about that, and make it happen.

    19. Have fun learning from each other.

    Yah, yah. “Have fun” is easy to say. What it really means is, “don’t be put off by having to learn a bunch of ‘new stuff’ which comes with being in a committed close relationship”. If telling yourself, “I’m having fun, but wow, there’s so much complicated about this guy!” works … then that’s great, and go with it. But don’t hoodwink yourself into believing it IS going to be fun. Anyone with decades of being an adult (“the older guy”) is going to have a rich knapsack of reactions, behaviors, responses, desires, lost-desires, hopes, realities, challenges and character flaws. SO DO YOU. Just keep on trying, and try not to get mad when things aren’t quite as predictable as you might like.

    20. Know when to say goodbye.

    Sure, decent advice. But “DO IT EARLY”. It is a sin to string along another person, just for the convenience of sex-without-meaning-it, or good dinners out, or empty-entertainment. Some women make it a life’s practice to be venal and usurious. Men get burned by it, and many are surprised when they’re told “its over”, after having spent a lot of time, emotional energy and investing hope in a relationship where the lady is really just being a cad. This is what prevents them from trusting future relationships with increasing difficulty. LOOK WITHIN YOURSELF: you are fully aware if you’re just using people. Stop it, if you are.

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