Girls are half riddle, half enigma and complete wackos. Figuring out what girls want is the one subject guaranteed to cause guys to analyze. The world may never know what girls truly want, but finding out what they hate is a snap. Even if you have not been on the receiving end of a full-on girl rant, all it takes is a simple search to get the complete experience. There are thousands of girls tweeting, blogging and posting videos giving detailed “honey don’t” lists to any guys who are crazy enough or willing to listen. Every girl is different but the messages are all the same:
1. Don’t flirt with other girls.
If your girl is with you, don’t let her catch you looking at another girl. If you have a lazy eye, you better see a doctor so there is no confusion as to where you’re looking. Girls will bitch-slap you and the ho you rode in on, and don’t even try saying it’s your cousin or some shit
2. Don’t be jealous of her guy friends.
Your girl should be able to have guy friends. Just because you know these guys are still fighting to get out of the friend zone is no reason to be all controlling. No one wants that. Where’s the trust? But, remember; don’t even think about giving some other girl so much as a winkie face. Got it?
3. Don’t ignore your girl’s texts.
If you are playing Call of Duty you better pause and reply to your girl’s message immediately. It only takes a couple of seconds to text, “playin cod. brb”. It’s totally worth getting a virtual cap in your ass, as opposed to the very real one you will get if you wait until your game is over to reply.
4. Don’t let it go to voicemail when she is returning a missed call from you.
Girls are busy and sometimes miss calls. When they get around to calling you back, answer the damn phone. They know you are just playing a stupid game and punishing them for not answering when you called them.
5. Don’t get into fights.
If some other guy is trying to move in on your girl, don’t punch the guy. Omg! She was just talking to him. You freaking caveman.
6. Don’t let other people be disrespectful to her.
If your friends or cousin say something disrespectful to your girl, you better stand up for her. A real man doesn’t stand idly by while his girl is being insulted. It’s ok to come to blows as long as it’s in her honor.
7. Don’t “like” other girls on Facebook.
Check your status, you already have a girlfriend. Don’t blow up some slut’s notification. The space on your wall is reserved for your girl only.
8. Don’t start drama on Facebook or Twitter.
Just because some guy makes a comment on your girl’s page is no reason for you to start a Twitter war. It’s embarrassing. Besides, he’s just a friend.
9. Don’t blow her off to hang out with your friends.
If you’re busy with your friends all the time, then you have no time for your girl. She just wants to see you and spend time with you. If you never see each other, what’s the point in dating?
10. Don’t try to keep her from hanging out with her friends.
She’s not going to drop her friends just because she has a boyfriend now. What kind of friend does that? Not a good one. So, don’t be so suffocating. She needs her space and time with her girls.
11. Don’t give other girls your clothes.
Even if your girl is standing right beside you and gives you permission to loan your hoodie to a girl during a snow storm… don’t do it. Your girl is the only one allowed to steal your clothes. It makes them feel closer to you. Are trying to let that skank feel closer to you by letting her wear your hoodie?
12. Don’t just say “ok” when your girl says she’s fine.
When you ask your girl if something is wrong and she says, “I’m fine,” or “Nothing.” Don’t just say, “Ok.” You should keep asking. Besides, if you really cared she wouldn’t have to tell you. You would know what’s bothering her… you inconsiderate pig.
13. Don’t pry into her business if she doesn’t want to talk about it.
Honestly, do you have to be so clingy? Respect her boundaries. If she wanted you to know what’s going on with her, she would tell you.
14. Don’t say another girl is pretty.
Even if your girl says, “That girl is pretty, isn’t she?” You don’t even agree. You say, “Not as pretty as you are, baby,” or “What girl?” Know that if you mistakenly agree that she is pretty; your girl will snap back, “Well, if you think she’s so pretty, why don’t you just date her?” You will then spend the rest of the time groveling.
15. Don’t acronym your feelings when you text.
There’s a difference between “i<3u”; “i luv u”; and “I love you”. If you really loved her, you would take the time to spell it out.
16. Don’t take so long to text back when you are talking to your girl.
When you take too long between replies she is wondering what is more important than talking to her. Who else are you talking to? Is it that girl you thought was so pretty at the mall the other day? Really, if you think she is so pretty, just date her.
It’s really not that complicated. Keep in mind that when a guy is getting ready to go out, he is hoping he gets laid. When a girl is getting ready to go out, she is deciding if she will get laid. Unless you are prepared to marry your right hand, get ready to ride the crazy train. Also know that she does not have penis envy. With her one vagina, she can get all the penises she wants.