Are you a man having trouble getting women’s attention? Do you get the first date but can’t seem to get a second or third? Do you feel like women only want wealthy, handsome men (who treat them like crap)? Do you hear what a nice guy you are and that there’s a woman for you out there? If so, you are understandably frustrated.
Good news! You’ve come to the right place for help. Why look on a men’s site to learn about women from other clueless men? If you want to learn about women, ask a woman. These insights are not given to help you deceive women into thinking you’re something you’re not. They are meant to help all of those unfortunate women out there who have to deal with men’s poor dating techniques. So, for the good of all man (and woman) kind, here are the tips to getting women to want you:
1. Listen and Respond
The number one complaint of women is that men don’t listen. When a woman is talking, listen to what she is saying. Don’t watch her mouth and wonder what it would feel like to kiss her. Don’t stare at her chest and imagine what she looks like naked. Really listen to what she is saying then give an intelligent response, preferably on the same subject.
Ladies: To be fair, be aware of the fact that men don’t talk as much as women. If you need to talk just to talk, save it for your girlfriends. You’ll both be happier for it. Also, be very direct about what you want. If you want to go to a Michael Bublè concert, say, “I want you to take me to the Michael Bublè concert. Go online tomorrow at 10 a.m. to buy the tickets when they go on sale.” You will get what you want and save you both a ton of frustration. If you say, “I heard that Michael Bublè is coming to town.” In your head those two statements mean the same thing. In his head the first one is a simple call to action that will make you happy. The second one, well, you may as well be talking to your cat.
2. Keep It Real
Be honest with yourself and with her about your intentions. Adopting a no bullshit policy when it comes to dating and women is the best way to go. It may suck in the moment but will be much better in the long run. Men can’t complain about women not being clear about what they want if men aren’t willing to be honest about their feelings. Here are some different scenarios:
One Night Stand: If you are only interested in a hit it and quit it, be up front about it. If the only thing you have to offer is false promises of a relationship to get her into bed, you’re selling yourself short (yes, that may be an indirect reference to your penis). Women are not always looking for a relationship. If she has only known you for a few hours and is going to bed with you, chances are that she has the same thing in mind as you do. By being honest with her, you could turn a one night stand into a sex-buddy.
Dating but Not Committed: If you’ve been dating a woman while also seeing other women, be honest about that too. You know when you’ve strung a woman along to continue to have sex with her. You just refer to it as “I don’t want to hurt her feelings”. If your woman asks if you really like her or if the relationship is going anywhere, grow a pair, man up and tell her the truth. You don’t have to rude about it if you’re not at the same place as she is emotionally, but don’t lie about it. She can tell something is wrong, and that’s why she keeps asking.
Dating and Want Commitment: If you have feelings for a woman, let her know. Don’t be chicken shit about it. Of course it sucks to put yourself out there and then get rejected, but what’s your other option? Do you want to wake up every day knowing that the woman you love could be waking up next to another man? If you’re not willing to step up to the plate, she’s going to keep to looking for the guy who will.
Ladies: To be fair, we do try to read more into the relationship than there really is at times. Stop planning the wedding on the first date and be honest with yourself about what’s really going on. If necessary, watch the movie He’s Just Not That into You as many times as it takes to understand that if a man really wants to be with you, he will find a way to be with you. It doesn’t matter if your friend’s cousin’s best friend was having a long-distance online relationship with a man for ten years, and then the guy showed up at her house with all of his belongings in a U-Haul and a five carat diamond ring. He then proposed and they have been married for three years and have a baby with another one on the way. That doesn’t mean it will happen to you.
3. Don’t Be Boring
Think out of the box when it comes to dates. Do things that are unexpected and fun. You want her to feel like when she’s with you anything is possible. She’s been on plenty of dinner-and-a-movie dates. Do a little research and find interesting places and things to do around town that’s out of the ordinary. There are hidden gems in every city. Also, get to know the owners of small restaurants and business. When your date is known by the people in the establishment, it feels more like you’re being invited into his inner circle. Just be aware that there’s a fine line between being impressive and showing off. Make sure that you make your date feel like you’re inviting her in and sharing instead of being a douche. It all goes back to intentions.
Ladies: When a man goes above and beyond to impress you, do the polite thing and be impressed. See it for the gesture it is. The man just wants you to feel special and to think well of him. So, give him a break if he goes a little overboard.
4. Be Self-Effacing
Don’t try so hard to be cool that she feels like she won’t be able to measure up. Women like it when men are humble and show vulnerability. Don’t be afraid to use the words “awkward”, “sorry” or “kinda bad at this”. Showing a few flaws makes you more approachable and you want her to approach you… a lot.
Ladies: When men are brave enough to show a more vulnerable side, reward him for it. It’s difficult for men to show weakness of any kind.
5. Cut Back on Physical Compliments
The only time a physical compliment is expected and truly appreciated by a woman (unless she’s naked) is when you first pick her up for a date. She has put forth a great deal of effort to look good for you and her efforts should be acknowledged. Tell her she looks pretty or beautiful; maybe give her a little spin while you appreciate her loveliness. Then stop. After that moment all compliments should be general, like “that’s fascinating”, “cool” and “awesome”. You will make a woman feel more attractive by letting her know that that she is interesting and special than you will by talking about her physical attributes.
Ladies: Unless a man is being creepy and crossing a line, when he tells you you’re pretty, simply say “thank you”. If he does cross the line and you feel that it’s unintentional on his part, simply explain to him that he is making you feel uncomfortable. He won’t learn if you don’t teach him.
6. Give Her a Reason to be Reminded of You
Hum or sing a popular song, talk about your favorite movies or share your favorite places, anything that will make her think about you when you’re not around. If you talk about Star Wars, when she sees a commercial for the next movie coming out or sees a Darth Vader mask, she’ll think of you. You want to be the equivalent of a song that she can’t get out of her head, but in a good way.
Ladies: Don’t be afraid to use the same tactic on the men you want to get. It works both ways.
7. Be a Gentleman
Act like a gentleman and treat her like a lady. Open doors for her; hold out her chair when she sits and help with her coat. She may not know how to respond at first because most men have forgotten their manners, but it will set you apart from the rest.
Ladies: Men opening doors and holding chairs have absolutely nothing to do with being a feminist. Of course you can open your own door, but why should you have to?
8. Give Her Your Undivided Attention
When you are with her give her your full attention. Put your phone on mute or do not disturb; don’t talk to others more than her and don’t leave her alone when you’re on a date. Of course there are other people in the room but you don’t want their attention, you want hers. If you have an attractive waitress, only look her way briefly when giving your order. You don’t want to be rude to whoever is serving your food, but don’t engage her or acknowledge her beyond what’s necessary. Women pay attention to these things and will appreciate that you don’t have a wandering eye. If you must leave your date’s side for a moment, give her a peck on the cheek before you leave.
Ladies: Don’t feel that you must be attached at the hip while at a party with your date. The point of socializing is to be social. As long as your date checks in with you throughout the evening and spends most of his time with you, don’t be overly clingy.
9. Use Appropriate Touching
You want to have contact with your date but you don’t want her to feel like she is being groped the entire evening. In the beginning a good rule of thumb is to only touch her arms, hands and back during most situations. For example, after you open the door for her, it’s ok to put your hand on her back as she walks through. Although, the placement is key, too high says “we’re friends”; too low says “I want to grab your ass” and the spot right in dip of her lower back says “I think you’re sexy but I respect you”. The best thing to do is to follow her lead and err on the side of less is more until you’re told differently.
Ladies: You set the pace for touching. If a man is touching more than you feel comfortable, tell him or hold his hand. If you want him to touch you more, tell him that you like it when he does that.
10. Have a Bit of Mystery
Without playing games, don’t be available 100% of the time or let your life be an open book. A man that comes on too strong or doesn’t have outside interests will scare a woman away just as much as it would if the circumstances were reversed. Women don’t want to feel as though they are completely responsible for your happiness and that is what it feels like when the other person has no outside interests. Men who are overeager or jump when the woman says jump are the ones who are more likely to end up in the friend zone. This doesn’t mean that you should play the game of not calling for a few days; it means that you should set healthy boundaries until you both naturally find a spot for the other in your lives.
Ladies: Realize that we are partially to blame for this situation. Don’t be overly quick to judge either way in the very beginning. Take the time to get to know him before deciding his fate.
11. Be Reliable
Be on time for dates and follow through with promises. The hardest thing to build is trust and it’s the easiest thing to lose. Calling the day after a first date falls under this category. You don’t have to talk for hours. Just call and thank her for the date; tell her you had a good time and that you look forward to seeing her again. It’s that simple. That’s all women need to hear. Hell, if it’s something you would do after a job interview, shouldn’t you at least do it for a woman you’re interested in.
Ladies: The follow-up thank you call can go both ways. If you are a traditionalist and don’t feel comfortable calling him, call his house when you know he’ll be at work and leave a message (especially if he paid for the date). It’s basic manners.
12. Talk about Specific Topics
The only way to get to know someone and to find common interests is to talk about what you like. Ask her about her favorite movie, band and restaurant. Find out her stance on zombies vs. vampires vs. werewolves. You know, the important things. Just steer clear of politics and religion in the beginning. These are hot topics and you can’t win a woman over while you’re debating.
Ladies: Sometimes we get caught up in the need to please and lose sight of our own interests. If a man is being thoughtful enough to find these things out about you, don’t just give the answer that you think he wants to hear.
13. Make Her Smile
We choose people to be in our lives not based on their “credentials” but on how we feel when we’re around them. If faced with the decision of choosing between a man who gives us more things and a man who makes us happy, women will choose happy every time. We can buy our own things, but it’s difficult to find someone who brings us true joy.
Ladies: You may read this and say that it’s not true, but think about your past relationships and be honest with yourselves.
Gentlemen, remember that you only get one chance to make things happen. One first kiss, one first dance, one first date, one chance that will make the difference between happily-ever-after and oh-he’s-this-guy-I-went-to-this-thing-with-once. Ok, so that a line from the movie Hitch, but it’s damn good and it’s true. Women are really not that difficult to figure out. Treat us like rare and beautiful flowers. Give us plenty of love, attention and pollenate us the right way and we will open our petals for you anytime. However, if you neglect us or crowd our area with too many other flowers, we will snap shut on you like a Venus fly trap.